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Thursday, October 22, 2009

Inside the Mind of an Almost Married Man

We all know brides can be as varied as a Crayola box, but many times, fiancé’s only come in two forms. Those that say “honey, whatever you want” and those that have an opinion on every aspect from the first dance song to the flower arrangements to the cake topper.

We ask our readers…which type of fiancé is “better?”

At first glance, it might seem like a fiancé who lets his bride-to-be take the reigns would be the better choice. He won’t notice when you spend 25% of your budget on hot pink lighting for the room or only request the band to play Britney Spears and Barbara Streisand. He will “yes” your every decision and the wedding will be how you envisioned it since before your Prince Charming even existed. No fights, no one questioning your decisions and no one forcing you to do anything you don't want to do (except maybe your mother or future mother-in-law, but that's another post).

Warning…this arrangement can become as ill-planned as the balloon boy hoax if at any time you do really want your fiancé’s opinion. When you ask and he keeps brushing you off because the Giants game is in overtime, your feelings may be hurt and you may become even more emotional than you already are (is that even possible?).

Fiance #2 wants to be in the know about everything and he is more than willing to be involved. This type of fiancé confuses most brides-to-be. Something’s fishy…he never wanted to be involved in planning your parents anniversary party or booking your weekend trips. He is choosing to skip golfing with the boys to go set up your registry?

What women sometimes forget, but he remembers is…this is his wedding too! Another thing we forget is…boys love excel sheets. They must have learned about Excel in 8th grade while we were learning about having babies or something. A wedding is a time where your fiancé can give his opinion, hopefully someone will listen, he can create excel sheets and pretend photographer options are another form of fantasy football.

Warning…what happens when you and your fiancé don’t have the same vision? Does his choice for a centerpiece look more like something in need of Extreme Home Makeover than the front page of Martha Stewart’s magazine?

The moral of the story is…neither is “better” and honestly, you can’t trade your fiancé in for the other model anyway. Learn to deal with him, after all, this is only the beginning of your highly opinionated or overly lax life together.

For some lucky brides-to-be, the fiancé cares about “just a few” things. If you ask him about flowers, he will certainly ignore you, but if you put “Jay Z” on your do not play list, he might be asking for an annulment. For the guy who just cares about a few things...let him be involved in those things and make him thinking he's getting his way (even though we all know who is ultimately in control.)

In a nutshell, a productive way to approach your fiancé about wedding decisions is to give him choices and specific directions Men react much better to 4 fleshed out options than to 10 email links with no explanations or 3 bridal magazines left on the bed with folded pages.

Although this is more work for you, this is the best way to include a fiancé who doesn't want to be included or to simmer down a fiancé who is exploding with ideas and opinions. Another idea (if you fiancé doesn't want to be involved in many decisions) is to give him one task – the honeymoon.

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