As we go through various life events we are given rules how to best approach each situation. We are told the simple recipes for getting a date, landing a job, losing weight. We are told from a young age that if we follow these rules we are doing the “right” thing.
However, there are no rules for wedding events and what is right and wrong usually depends on the brides hormones…which for most brides has more highs and lows than Britney’s career.
Our readers have asked...
“My friend is having an out-of-town shower, do I have to attend?”
“The bachelorette party is really expensive, do I have to go?”
“My friend is having 2 engagement parties, do I have to attend both?”
While we cannot say that our opinions at Bridelines are the end all of bridal opinions (although we'd like to think they are), we will give you our best advice. If you are a bridesmaid, you are expected to conform to certain bridesmaid standards, i.e. attending events, pretending to be really excited for every single of them, being emotionally and mentally supportive of bridal decisions and creating an artistic hat made out of wrapping paper.
However, the economy is awful and many people are out of jobs. We don’t all live in the same states. We think brides need to understand that their friends love them and want to attend everything, but sometimes it’s just unrealistic and too expensive. Please do not get mad at your friends for not attending things—if they have a good reason. The wedding is a must…but maybe the only must. If your bridesmaids are flying in for a wedding and attending a bachelorette party, they should get a pass on the shower. Brides, we know you want your friends there, so maybe they can be there via Skype.
Bachelorette parties are usually more fun than showers (sorry moms), so if your bridesmaids are choosing one, we suggest choosing the bach party. However, people who aren’t in your wedding party should feel NO obligation to spend the money to attend. We can all agree that large groups of girls are loud and overwhelming and these events usually go over better when you don’t invite every female on your guest list.
Friends, a cute thing to do is to send something to the event if you cannot attend. Send a bottle of champagne to the bachelorette dinner. Send flowers to the bridal shower. It will only take 10 minutes out of your life, and will make the bride really happy and show her that you are thinking about her during these special moments.
Moral of the story is…there is no “right” thing to do. High expectations only cause let-downs. Brides, don’t start fights with your friends…you’ve got enough fighting to do with your fiancé over invitations and with your mother-in-law over flowers.
Everyone has their own opinion of proper wedding protocol, so use your best judgment. If you know the bride really wants you to attend her bachelorette party, try and find a way. If you can’t…you can’t. If you do not have good judgment (some people just don’t), you can always
email us and we will give you our best advice.
Bridelines will help you maintain your friendship and manage expectations during
all these crazy wedding events!
Please send in any other questions about what is proper wedding protocol…
2 comments:
Great advice. Bridesmaids should also be as understanding as speak to their brides in advance and be honest about what they can do/what they can't do. That way, if a bride rather her bridesmaid attend one event over the other, the bridesmaid can arrange for that.
interesting post. I would love to follow you on twitter.
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