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Monday, June 22, 2009

Guests Lists: Who Makes the Cut?

Even before you were engaged chances are you and your soon to be fiancé had conversations (maybe many conversations) about what your wedding would be like. Most likely you even previously drafted a tentative guest list on some scrap piece of paper on one drunken evening. When it comes to weddings, we all know size DOES matter. Big, small, in between? Whatever your expectations were, we can guarantee that by the time you have integrated your list with your parents and in-laws it will be significantly longer than you anticipated.

When you initially thought you would invite the girl who sits in the cubicle next to you at work, you were wrong. When you thought of course you would invite your hairdresser, again you were wrong. When you’re finance was certain he was inviting the guy he rides on the train with every morning…he too was wrong. These are the concessions you make because you instead will have to invite Mr. & Mrs. Goldfarb (a colleague of your father’s that you've never met) and your third cousin Sandy who you last saw at your own Christening.

How do you logically cut the list down to make room for the people you want to invite, without hurting anyone’s feelings or alienating family members?

Here are a few pointers.
To make a large cut, eliminate an entire group of people. For instance….your friend’s parents. Even though you have known a lot of these people for years….if you invite some you have to invite all. This is an easy way to cut twenty to thirty people off of your list at one time (and unless you still see them frequently, they will understand).

Another easy fix is to eliminate the 'plus one'. Yes some of your friends will be offended to not be invited with a date, but considering you are paying per plate you do not have to pay for some guy that your friend hooked up with once two years ago to eat filet mignon.

Here is a rule of thumb to consider: If you have not seen, spoken to or received an email from someone in more than a do not need to invite them to your wedding.

If all else fails, elope! Just think of all the money you'll save....and you know you've always secretly wanted to be married by Elvis in Vegas anyway!


Anonymous said...

The guest list is always an issue -- especially since guys tend to have a much larger group of "friends" that they absolutely have to invite. I think the best rules someone told me are if they are not in your phone, they are not invited to the wedding and if you wouldnt call them for dinner plans, they are not invited to the wedding.

Anonymous said...

We have a family saying, it is "you pay, you say". Please don't cut the family friends. Weddings are celebrations for all the people who love you including your parents friends who went to your first birthday party, and graduations. If parents are paying the bill, invite the old friends buy a cheaper cake!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the previous comment.
If you can't afford to include your parents' friends, then cut out some of the more extraneous items in your wedding budget. While it is true that this is your wedding, it is, in many ways, as much of a celebration for your parents as it is for you. The people who have been celebrating with you since your childhood should not "get the ax" now that the greatest celebration of all is on the way!

Anonymous said...

The authors said "your friend's parents" which is not the same as "your parent's friends." Obviously the bride/grooms parents should invite their close friends, but in the same way that the bride/groom cannot invite all their acquitainces, the parents shouldnt do that either.