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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wedding Guests: Who Gets a Plus 1?

Whether to invite friends with a plus 1 can become a very uncomfortable situation.

As the bride/groom, you are trying to manage costs wherever you can and inviting your single friend with a date usually doesn’t take precedent over adding extra dessert (although maybe it should because one eats the dessert). There are no set rules when it comes to the plus 1 issue, but there are a variety of situations that should be considered.

Regardless, you are bound to have one friend that gets upset, so when this happens, remember Bridelines told you so.

If you are a bride/groom on a budget, you may want to make a rule that you are only inviting guests with dates who are married, engaged or you may want to stretch it to people living together.

Usually, brides/grooms invite those with dates who have a “serious” significant others. Serious, however, can be as difficult to interpret as Paula Abdul's American Idol comments. We all know those girls who think they have a boyfriend when they really don’t. Just because he writes you cute texts doesn't mean he is your boyfriend! If a guy is going to get awkward when you ask him to come to the wedding, you aren’t serious and maybe this is your wakeup call to move on.

Some very generous brides invite their whole bridal party with dates or invite many of their single friends with dates. It is necessary to invite a friend with a date when she is the only single friend in a group. Or in the case of a New Years Eve wedding, everyone should have the option to bring a date - this we know from personal experience! We think the best thing to do is to tell your close single friends that if they have someone they want to bring and have been dating, to inform you. This does not mean single girls should go on a man-hunt to find a date and please don’t hire a escort.

All the Single Ladies:
Remember this isn’t sorority formal. Dates aren’t necessary. Bringing someone (even when he is your serious boyfriend) requires you to be responsible for him and pay attention to him. You cannot run off with your girlfriends when you have a plus 1. Also, when you bring a date, you are blocking yourself from meeting other eligible bachelors.

Personally, we think weddings are fun when you go without a date. You get to spend time with your girlfriends and we all know a bride is happiest when she has all the attention. So, you and your friends can dance in a circle around the bride without having some guy watching over your shoulder.

What's your opinion on the plus 1 issue? Check out our survey on Bridelines.


Anonymous said...

Agree on it not being necessary to have your bridesmaids bring dates (unless of course attached). I was a maid of honor and all the bridesmaids were invited with dates out of consideration and I ended up being the only one solo, and most just brought random dates. I knew I'd be busy all day including the reception and cocktail hour, so why bother taking someone when you wont be able to entertain or even be with them? I do however think if you're inviting specific groups of friends and everyone but 1 girl will be left out, it's appropriate to at least ask if they have someone they'd like to take. If not, great - it's less money for you, and an opportunity for them to meet someone!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the comment about bridesmaids bringing dates. In the end, I think as long as the rule is fair, people are cool with it (ie: only engaged or living together couples etc.) Such a touchy subject!

Anonymous said...

Is it awkward to ask your friend if you can bring someone? I dont know many people at a wedding I'm going to and I've been seeing someone for a bit and want to bring him.

Anonymous said...

Unless people are willing to cough up $100 for a date with that person--they are excluded in my book. It's a time to celebrate the bride & groom's day, not for you to be upset if you can't have a date. How I'm handling it is if you're not living together, engaged, or haven't been together for a significant amount of time (I will be the one determing if it significant) then they will be issued an Invitation alone. I will spread the word through a note in the invitation envelope, on the wedding website, & via phone calls. If people don't take the hint after all that--I am mandating my wedding planner to enforce my invitation list. By the way--I'm having no children at my wedding as well so I know that I will have to have someone "guard" the venue from unwelcomed guests. It's sad that you have to be somewhat rude however people are rude by not following the hosts directions.

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate all these blogs! I am having such trouble with my upcoming wedding in July. Today was our deadline for RSVP’s and here I get a RSVP for my fiance’s aunt plus her two kids and their girlfriends. And they are only 18 and 19! I am just wondering where the ettiquette went here. Our venue only holds 225, I invited 240 and out percentage of no’s is less than anticpated so I am in quite the bind. Guess I was the stupid one! It angers me that people don’t understand the intimacy, importance, AND cost of such an event that they just invite whomever they feel necessary. My fiance and fiance’s mom won’t say anything because they are worried that they will hurt feelings yet it just makes me so angry that people do this. Any suggestions for this? I just have no idea what to do at this point and I want to be at my wedding and know every face…not just some random 18 year old relationship for the moment. (My fiance and I have no idea who this girl even is!) Not really that cool….at all! Thanks for any help at all!

Bridelines said...

kristij01 We think its ok to tell your fiance's aunt that you only invited people with guests who are living together or are a certain age, etc. You can make up any rule you want and tell her those were the guidelines and you are sorry, but you cannot add anymore people to the list. They have family there - it isnt as if they dont know anyone.

Anonymous said...

If you don't want your unmarried, unengaged friends to attend--don't include a plus one. Weddings have become this huge party--dinner, dance, etc. Who are your single (but dating someone seriously) friends supposed to dance with? If you're on that tight of budget that you can't let your friends bring their dates--you need to scale it down. Yes, it is your day. Don't you want your friends to enjoy this day with you, too? You look cheap and thoughtless when you don't include a plus one for your girlfriends with steady boyfriends or vice versa.