Where and When...and for Whom?

When choosing a location and date for your wedding there are many factors to consider.

Will it be too hot or too cold?

Will there be a hurricane or a thunderstorm?

Will your friends travel out of town for your wedding?

Will your guests be forced to pay for a hotel?

Are you parents demanding it be in your childhood town?

Or maybe worst of all…will too many people say “yes” if your venue is close by?

This is how the situation usually plays out...

You choose a date and location and you are all giddy and excited. Then you decide to tell people. You sit in silence for 5 minutes as your (friend, family members, coworker) tells you all the reasons why that date or location doesn't work for them. Some common complaints are…they have another wedding that day, or its their child’s birthday or they have plans the night before or the flights are really expensive that time of year. After their 5 minute rant has ended, this phrase ultimately comes out of their mouth -
“You should do what is best for you.”

Does that phrase have any meaning?

Is any decision in this wedding process really what is best for you?

Here at Bridelines, we encourage being considerate of your friends, but that doesn't mean checking with your friends which Saturday nights are open for them for the next year. It also doesn’t mean not having your wedding a flight away if that is what you want.

However, it does mean that understanding what is best for you may not be best for everyone else and thus, people might not be able to attend - because of prior obligations or financial reasons.

And you know what? That is ok.

This wedding is about you and Mr. Husband to be. The people that mean the most to you will find their way there, in the rain, on the plane, on their birthday. What is best for you is not worrying about what is best for everyone and ultimately being confident that the wedding will be everything you dreamed it would be.

***A helpful reminder to friends and family…vocalize your opinions/complaints on Bridelines or to your other friends (although group gossiping sessions should be kept to a minimum). Don't complain to the bride. It is never a good idea and somehow no one ever seems to remember that!***

Guests Lists: Who Makes the Cut?

Even before you were engaged chances are you and your soon to be fiancé had conversations (maybe many conversations) about what your wedding would be like. Most likely you even previously drafted a tentative guest list on some scrap piece of paper on one drunken evening. When it comes to weddings, we all know size DOES matter. Big, small, in between? Whatever your expectations were, we can guarantee that by the time you have integrated your list with your parents and in-laws it will be significantly longer than you anticipated.

When you initially thought you would invite the girl who sits in the cubicle next to you at work, you were wrong. When you thought of course you would invite your hairdresser, again you were wrong. When you’re finance was certain he was inviting the guy he rides on the train with every morning…he too was wrong. These are the concessions you make because you instead will have to invite Mr. & Mrs. Goldfarb (a colleague of your father’s that you've never met) and your third cousin Sandy who you last saw at your own Christening.

How do you logically cut the list down to make room for the people you want to invite, without hurting anyone’s feelings or alienating family members?

Here are a few pointers. To make a large cut, eliminate an entire group of people. For instance….your friend’s parents. Even though you have known a lot of these people for years….if you invite some you have to invite all. This is an easy way to cut twenty to thirty people off of your list at one time (and unless you still see them frequently, they will understand).

Another easy fix is to eliminate the 'plus one'. Yes some of your friends will be offended to not be invited with a date, but considering you are paying per plate you do not have to pay for some guy that your friend hooked up with once two years ago to eat filet mignon.

Here is a rule of thumb to consider: If you have not seen, spoken to or received an email from someone in more than a year....you do not need to invite them to your wedding.

If all else fails, elope! Just think of all the money you'll save....and you know you've always secretly wanted to be married by Elvis in Vegas anyway!